RBVL Heads Down the Home Stretch
By
Rocky D.
In 1973 I tore the ligaments in my right knee.
I decided against an operation for just one procedure and decided to wait
until I injured the knee again.
This way I could get two procedures for just one co-pay.
Well, just forty years later it happened.
I tore my right knee meniscus, and had both ligaments and meniscus fixed
in a two for one special. Now
that’s the way to keep health care costs down.
I did miss RBVL volleyball and Graybeards basketball but don’t cry for me
Argentina, I will be back next year.
While recovering from my surgery I had a bit of time on my hands to do
some research. Some, if not all,
may say too much time on my hands after reading this article.
The research revealed a very interesting demographic concerning the RBVL
committee. Apparently all male
committee members, Joe, John, Steve and myself are from Kings County (Brooklyn)
and the women, Denise and Patty are from Queens.
Therefore, what was thought to be all along a hierarchy was, in fact, a
Monarchy. That’s right. The RBVL is
ruled by Kings and Queens which makes us royalty.
For brevity and clarity we shall be known as the Royal Family West.
There will be a few minor adjustments, name changes and
royal protocol requirements.
Patricia Moule will now be Royally known as Patrician Moule and will no longer
bear the title of president; it is much too pedestrian.
She will be known as the Queen Mum. Whether she can stay mum is doubtful.
John will be known as King John of the Tikiwood Forrest; Denise will be
the Duchess Dee Niece and addressed as Lady Denise or informally as Dame Denise.
No relation to Dom DeLuise. Joe
will be addressed as the Duke of Earl (apologies to Gene Chandler), Rocky will
be your Squire for hire and Stevie G. will be reverentially known as “the Prince
of Darkness.” The royal committee
actually has a blood line connection to the House of Plantagenet through Patty’s
husband, Simon. It seems that
Simon’s ancestors had a two and half century contract (talk about an extended
cell phone contract) with the Plantagenet dynasty to supply food tasters for the
King. Although 276 ancestors of
Simons’ died “on the job,” Simon took great pride in the fact that it was steady
work for the family and they left the earth with a good meal in their stomachs.
In addition to that connection it appears that our equipment master may
have had a “hand” so to speak, in the royal birth.
Not only is the royal baby red-headed with a onerous and cantankerous
personality, but he asked the delivery doctor to open his medical bag so he
could examine it.
When introduced to a royal committee member, etiquette is
of the utmost importance. Men shall
give a small bow, from the neck, not the waist, and women shall curtsey, right
heel behind the left. When leaving Royal Family company always back away never
turning your back to them. This is especially important when dropping off nets
to the Dungeon Storage Master, the Marquis de Steve. I am not sure I would turn
my back to Steve under any circumstances.
The storage room will be renamed the storage dungeon and “hosted” by the
Dungeon Master, Steve. When learning of the name change of the equipment room,
Steve immediately tacked up a wooden sign over the door, embossed with the
following “Abandon hope, all ye who enter
here.” The bathroom just outside the storage dungeon will be off limits to
commoners and restricted to Royal Family only.
It shall be re-named “The Royal Flush.”
And only used by direct blood adherents to the “Royal Throne.”
The peasantry should not fear the new
modest changes being implemented.
The Monarchy will be beneficent yet firm in administering justice to their
subjects, especially when the press is around.
Speak loudly and carry a small cudgel as TR always said.
Should a violation of protocol occur the family has a blasphemy policy in
place. People who commit etiquette
infractions will be flown to
Florida and forced to waiter the
early bird special in a Boca Rotan diner for two weeks.
Several 8th amendment complaints of cruel and unusual
punishment have already been filed against the committee.
Second offenders will be required to don a Johnny Cakes walk league
softball shirt and slow walk Beach 116th street in daylight.
Don’t expect mercy from us - we never signed the Magna Carta.
The referees will be addressed as My Lord and My Lady at
all times. That is, except for
Tony Carty, who will be addressed as Your Highness for reasons too
delicate to mention in this article.
Since the RBVL logo on uniforms has now been re-categorized as the Royal
Family Coat of Arms, players will have to pay royalties (ouch) to the royal
family to wear them. The current
nine divisions will be consolidated into three,
Serf, Peasant and Vassal Division.
Of course, the serf division will play all its games down by the water’s
edge or surf. The Royal Committee
will observe the play from an observation balcony separated from the player’s by
a ten foot moat containing several hundred Kim Kardashian bobble head dolls as a
deterrent.
Now onto the flotsam and jetsam of the RBVL.
Joe is back from two weeks in Italy to receive the Perry White Award for
speech brevity. It was part of his circumlocution tour of the world.
While in Italy, Joe, I mean The Duke of Earl, was amazed at the
linguistic fluency of the Italians.
“Wow! Even the small children can
speak Italian here.” As the boys of
summer were ensconced comfortably in Kirby Cove, Jimmy Mack was reflecting on
the astonishing technological world we live in.
“Imagine, only ten years ago my cooler had neither wheels nor a pull
handle. It’s amazing, like waking up in the middle of a Jules Verne novel.”
Longstanding legendary league leitmotif
Cubby has been nowhere to be seen.
Just for the record, Cubby’s confirmation name is also Cubby.
Now a brief encapsulation of Wednesday’s games - half the league defeated
the other half of the league by either of the following scores:
5-0, 4-1 or 3-2. All games
were either very close, pretty close, not close at all, or Glenn Close.
Noteworthy news: Colleen
from Diggin and Swiggin is on a record pace to break the league hydration
record. She has cleaned and lifted
245 hydration bar bell cans in a row without dropping one.
All were extracted from her team’s 80-quart, white Igloo “hydration
station.” Go girl!
Did anyone notice that Tom Tuohey did not get a plug in for Sands Point
Physical Therapy in this issue?
That makes this issue highly, highly collectable.
As the season
continues to its inevitable end there is a definite feeling, to quote Governor
Christie, that we are stronger than the storm.
Although in Governor Christie’s case, he may or may not be stronger than
the storm, but he is definitely larger than the storm.
There was a mouse in the house, or Bungalow to be precise.
Not the cheese eating kind but the Irish Ayes (Bungalow signature drink)
drinking kind. Yes, DJ Mouse was in
attendance at the Bungalow Bar, not as a wax spinner but a reveler. He will be
doing our playoff day on August 10th, so good music is the only
option. The Bungalow Bar has been
redone and looks great. Definitely come down and check it out.
The food Wednesday night was great.
Dj Teddy was on his game with his mix of social commentary blended in
with dance/party mojo music. Bobby
Fash’s team seem to play much better Fashless (no Bobby) and with three women.
There’s a low rumble getting louder every minute to “Slash the Fash.”
A couple of original RBVL players, Janet Fash and Eileen Bledsoe, stopped
by the courts and Bungalow Bar. It
was great seeing two people who were there on day one and contributed much to
make this league what it is today.
The refs arrived early and set up their chairs in a half circle around the
buffet line in eager anticipation of the unveiling of the steam trays.
It looked somewhat like the siege of Constantinople.
All happy volleyball players are alike
but each unhappy volleyball player is unhappy in his own way.
What does that mean? I don’t
know, I didn’t write it; ask Leo.
Brooklyn Window and
Door defeated Federation 3-2.
Federation worked as cohesively as a Swiss Clock. Unfortunately the clock
was broken. The Stanii and the Odd
Couples had an epic match but who really prevailed? The veterans or the young
shavers? And what player emeritus
almost received a red card in his return to action?
Billy Hofmann, regional sales manager for Long Trail Brewery, was in the
house raffling off a mountain bike and giving away custom tank tops.
Billy Collins of the Snotty Yachty’s was down playing despite battling
some health issues. He played so
well that league officials are considering a drug test.
Congratulations to Glenn of Connolly’s are who did not serve one silver
platter serve, meaning they actually went in.
They won 3-2 but Laura didn’t know who they beat.
Must be the de-hydration effect. It’s
All Good is looking to replicate the vibes from that that magical palindromic
year 2002. Marybeth, Leenie and Kim
showed they can do more than just serve and Alex and Patrick have shown they can
replace Allison and Brian. So look
for It’s All Good to make its second run for the sweatshirts this year.
The Flip Cup All Stars record before Liz Sica showed up 0-2; their record
after she arrived 3-0. Once again,
it was Liz to the rescue.
Just to clear up
the issue of the shirts. They will
be arriving in the near or distant future.
Remember that It’s All Good Tee shirts was destroyed by the storm and
Chris is working his way back.
Everyone seems
to have gotten the message, “Set up early and bring in quickly.”
Keep up the good work the last two weeks.
Remember, it gets dark earlier each week.
Captains who have handed in unsigned
rosters must now get them signed.
SIGNED rosters were due in week three (6/26).
Most of the teams have complied but a few have not.
Please get that taken care of. Because
of Hurricane Sandy and our late start this season this item has been put on the
back burner by the league but it needs to be completed ASAP.
All six people on your RBVL Committee are willing to help you with any
problems that come up or just check our website at www.rbvl.com.
You'll find the answers to most of your questions there, not to mention
pretty pictures and funny stories.
See you on the beach!