RBVL Playoffs Set for Saturday, 8/12

By Rocky and Joe McGivney 
 

Tomorrow the Rockaway Beach Volleyball troops will battle for the last time this summer on the sands of Riis Park.  The playoffs will begin at 10:30 AM sharp and will continue until 6 champions are crowned in 6 divisions later in the afternoon.  Nets will be available to set up at 9:45 AM.  If you like to practice before a big match, get to the beach early.  Remember, this season everyone qualifies for the playoffs; the only question is whether your team gets a bye in the first round.  This year the RBVL has partnered with Arizona Ice Tea and Red Bull, who will provide a small supply of drinks for the players; the RBVL will supply a DJ and a light lunch.  Feel free to bring any additional beverages but remember that bottles are prohibited at Riis.  (Alcoholic beverages are fine as long as they are not in a bottle.)

Wednesday night concluded the regular season with Freedhand's Court Champs, Killa Hills, Grassy's Ratpack, Coppersmith's, the Sand Spikers and Team Margarita all leading their respective divisions.  The respective runners-up were Fillmore Insurance, the Bayview Bashers, the Rogue Sharks, the Odd Couples, the Brooklyn Transplants and A Night Out.  All will be among the favorites to take home a title when the action heats up Saturday.  The Ocean Division teams, Freedhand's and Fillmore and the Beach Division squads, Grassy's and Rogue Sharks all have a bye in the first round and have their first matches scheduled for 12 noon.  Everyone else will be playing (not talking, not drinking, not eating) at 10:30 AM, which is actually the forfeit time for game 1.   

The last week of the regular season saw beautiful weather and exciting volleyball as many teams moved up in the standings in time for the playoffs.  BHYC can’t believe they made the playoffs but then again the whole division got in.  They thank everyone who showed up at the Yacht Club.   The Beach Posse spread their wings this summer but found out there is no place like home.  They took four from Federation led by Lt McDreamy, assisted by the hard body, bashful, Brian Brady.  Their fearless leader Nancy is due to arrive on the red-eye on Friday night to be with her team on Saturday.  They mixed up the Kool-Aid in game four; there was enough estrogen on the court for sexual re-assignment. Win or lose—when push comes to shove they say we’re not here for a long time—we are here for a good time.  In the words of Chris Walsh, premier spiker, "It’s all good!"    
 

Kerry Hills semi-dominated Harbor Light three to two.  Siobhan wants to know why they don’t switch sides at 21 if the game goes to overtime.  We missed Steve’s soccer kicks and Melissa’s spikes. She left her spikes at the softball game.  Stone, you’re still numero uno in the hard body contest.  Kerry Hills, you will always be number one.  The beer boy made his debut tonight. Last Call had high hopes for him, but he developed tennis elbow.  We hope he can carry a cooler with his other arm.  Why has Mike O'B been hanging around?  Please return your shirt for our new beer man.  Last Call was off tonight but will be out in full force with Frankie D. as our main man.   UPS needs Brownie for Saturday OT.  If he plays the same way as he did tonight—Go to work!  Good luck to our Co-captain on Saturday night.  Our rules state you must be six feet from your blond bombshell or you might envision you are watching dancing girls in Amsterdam.  Did anyone see air Steinberg acting like a basketball hoop?  Safe trip to the men and women of the USS Eisenhower—see you in May.  God bless John Girad.  Like a rudderless ship, Last Call cruises into the playoff as the captain fiddles while Rome burns.  She (who is she?) is spending the weekend at the Ryan family compound at Lake Panakaka.  Do I smell a mutiny? Or is that just the Lake? 

If fate meets its destiny, the Killa Hills will face the Bayview Bashers in a fight to the death.  Johnny Sica better preview his tapes a few more times, before he gets the Killa Hills strategy down.  Little does he know the Killa Hills got something in the works that will explode like the fireworks on the Fourth of July?  John Sica—you better get your sand shoes ready because the Killa Hills might come up to bite you in the tail. (Probably not the first time that has happened to him.)  One More are ready for the playoffs and the boys are going down one by one—you decide three limpers—Billy, Joe and Jerry.  The injuries are a pebble, a slip and slide and lack of potassium respectfully.  We are worried about Paul, because monkey see monkey do.  Erin Walsh, AKA Joan Rivers, was all over the court.  Her sister Bonny has more ailments than a whole hospital journal.  Billy Hofmann, was all shot up with cortisone; if he was a horse, we would have shot him.  In fact we may shoot him anyway.  www.bhyc.com wants to know what the heck a Mighty Boosh is.  The Transplants won their last game with five girls and Ritchie, with the MVP going to Rose, the server.  We miss Eileen.  Congratulations to Debbie and Bob on the arrival of baby Emily. Is the stork an endangered species?  Despite Bobby McGann’s flamboyant jump serve McMahon dropped another five. Because of Shrieks first appearance to the after-party they feel confident they will win the drinking contest. 

Debbie Kanel noted that the Yacht Club was a "Wonderful World of Adult Fun!"  CB noted that BHYC is probably the only Yacht Club in the world with no boats.  (But an awful lot of rugby players.)  The highlight ofthe evening was the Adult Musical Chairs competition won by the sweating girl with the white headband.  She nosed out charter member, Eileen Bledsoe in the finals by simply putting more cheek on the seat.  Casey wasthe last man standing and at one time was handling 5 women by himself.  (Probably not the first time that has happened to him.)  George Johnson finished a distant 23rd in the largest game ever, east of the Mississippi.  Defending champ Geraldine Walsh was the first to have her name engraved on the new trophy, designed by Carol Farrell and Emily Gifford.  It was a beauty!  DJ Teddy played his usual great mix of tunes and the party was hopping until quite late.  The tradition continues.  The last night of the season seems to be locked into the BHYC.  Thanks to the staff for a job well done.  The food was good while it lasted. Unfortunately, Steve and Joe only had a choice of 11 sauces and red cabbage by the time they got to the buffet. 

No matter how heated the action is on Saturday, everyone should remember that fun and sportsmanship are still our guiding principles.  Let me quote from your RBVL Rule Book: "Unsportsmanlike conduct will not be tolerated.  The offender will be immediately issued a red card meaning both a side-out and a point given to their opponents.  Additionally, unsportsmanlike conduct toward any league official or referee will not be tolerated.  Offenders face sanctions at the discretion of the league from match suspensions up to and including permanent disbarment from the RBVL."  On a lighter note, the gala RBVL Awards Dinner is set for Friday night 9/15 at the Beach Club.  The cost is $70 and includes an open bar, bottled beer and hot food with music by a great party band, Souled Out. Captains are collecting money as we speak and the first 200 people will be confirmed. In the past we have never had to turn anyone away but we came very close last year.  With another expansion this season, the dinner promises to be booked solid.  Reserve your tables early.  Talk to Rocky, Denise or Bugsy if you have any questions. 

Since it was the last night of the year I (Rocky) felt it was time for players to get to know some of the league officials. Believe it or not I have a full time job.   It is a bit unusual but important.  I am a professional drinking consultant.  Yes, that’s right, a D.C.  Although it is a very prestigious job people know very little about it.  Basically, I advise people who are tired of two drink maximums, social drinking and low B.A.C’s.  I help people get in “the zone” and stay there.  People who are tired of steady work, sobriety and respect, approach me all the time for help.  I assist them in becoming full time, intoxicated, homeless, drains on society.  Obviously, my job is about satisfaction, not the money.  I started consulting when I was seventeen and working the eye-opener special at Pat’s Bar on Nostrand Ave from 7AM to 9AM.  A recently paroled patron, Sneaky Pete was lamenting the fact that he just could not get in “the zone”.  I looked down at his drink and saw the problem.  He was drinking light beer.  I took a bottle of Hiram Walker Blackberry Brandy and added it to his beer.  He had a glow on in five minutes.  “Hey kid, you got a gift,” Pete said.  No, I thought, I have a calling.  At my first party a woman, Three Shot Dot, approached me and said she was having problems.  She had made it to work four straight days and could not get into “the zone”.  I looked down at her right hand and saw the problem instantly. A Pinot Grigio and water (there is nothing wrong with water but only in moderation).  I slapped the Pinot Grigio out of her hand; this woman needed an intervention and now!  I mixed her a champagne and ripple.  I call it a cripple.  She has been in “the zone” and living in an Amana refrigerator box ever since. In fact, she credits me with not remembering the last five years. Another satisfied customer.  I was recently listed as the #1 threat to the AA organization. It is not only gratifying but, it looks impressive on my resume.  So, if you are tired of responsibility, steady work and dignity give the D.C (drink consultant) a call.  Remember, sobriety is a disease and I’m the cure!    

We'll see you on the beach one last time tomorrow!