The quality of play in the league is at an all time high in all divisions. And each division has achieved what Commissioner Patty Melt wanted - Parity. (Not Party which the league has also achieved but that goes without saying in Rockaway). Here's this weeks stories:

Fillmore sucks wind in the wind. Please come back, we need our leading ladies. Talking about ladies, Jim we will return the entrance fee as promised if you let anyone else hit the ball. Lt. Jim should stick to the books and send his wife out to play. Luckily, Jimmy “The Cheap Bastard” and Tim the Great are on the team or it would even be worse. Fillmore has asked for a roster check because they are in disbelief that this is the same team they handled so easily last season.

The Beach House won 5-0 with the help of the new young blood on the team. Eric the Probie hustled all over the court, including a takedown of the net to complete the House’s second sweep in a row.

Kerry Hills won 5-0 against the Big Mamooshkas with Trish the Dish showing her championship form and Mike Gambino’s famous birthday spike. Brian Sica pounded his serves through the hurricane gusts to bail the Hills out in one game, bringing them back from 8-10 to clinch it. Chill out Beach House, the Kerry Hills still holds the title belt and can’t wait for the showdown. When Big Jumbo picks up his game and keeps hitting those forearm drop shots, watch out. Some of the veteran players seem to have found their way to the bench with all of the new talent on board. But they are still first string at the bar. Speaking of the bar, Maureen Monaghan was a hit at the post game party at Kerry Hills, pulling off the ultimate balancing act as she danced around the pool table with a full pint glass of Guinness on her head. God bless the Irish. She expects to be playing back with the Hills soon when her knee heals. She says she will lose the Guinness when she returns to the court. RIP Liam “Mouthpiece” Bolgers and Happy Birthday to Mike Gambino and Della Fleming. Eileen here we come! Was it true that Liam Bulgers was in the Palm Garden at game time? Yes.

George and Greg had trouble keeping up with the girls of the Irish Circle - on the late night drinking scene. They were told to get back on the porch because they can’t run with the big dogs. The girls have issued a challenge to the men of Rockaway to answer the call and step up to the bar.

Alright, on hand was Dubs, Wubs, Groatie, Cliff, Chooch, Killer and Wonder Woman (starting to sound like a Starbucks special) but it’s TNT and we lost again. Although the balls were flying and this time Wubs and Groatie wore their underwear we still couldn’t get the right balls in the right spot. The Rugby Fishheads prevailed 5-0 in a match played in a tornado. Next week we will have the services of Boom-Boom, and Marty may even take his shoes off if it will help win a game. Until next week, Wonder Woman is signing off.

One Win may have to change their name after winning twice and looking for better things in the weeks to come. The antics of a well known, experienced, former RBVL player and sportswriter and current Long Beach resident who refereed could not stop the One Win Guys even with his incorrect rulings. A new tradition of a tailgate party during the game has resulted in too many volunteers to sit out but somehow 6 people always end up in the game.

TBG delivered the mail in the afternoon and knew that it would be a brilling night, whatever the hell that is. He also ended all the off-season controversy by re-signing Joe “Seal” Moore to a one year contract. Joe becomes a restricted free agent next year and already Rocky sent Joe Abbracciamento down to the Blue Division to scout the powerful left-handed spiking machine.

Abbracciamento’s won a serving duel 5-0 as the cry of “Win one for the Gipper!” sounded for Charlie Brady who had his appendix break during the week. Get well soon, Charlie. Coach Rocky expects you back next Wednesday. During the match Frank had one kill and Jeannie, Kathy and Leah each had one set and that’s all she wrote.

Just Healy’s edged the Bikini Bottom All-Stars 3-2 in what was probably the best played match in the most brutal conditions. Both teams were actually setting and spiking some of the time which was more than any other squads at Riis Park. Rita Sica made a triumphant return after a 5 year leave of absence but continues to hold down a job so that her husband, Sponge Bob, can lay around flipping Crabby Patty’s. Dancer and Bobby Big Toe Whalen played admirably despite the conditions. Jimmy Mack was shocked to see what Leigh-Ann was packing after he dropped his plate of Ziti on her Kerry Hills Championship sweatshirt, forcing her to show her stuff.

League president Patty Melt’s life was saved when the volleyball net poll that was heading for her head was heroically grabbed in flight by Katie. When asked about her heroics, Katie explained, “Patty who? The poll was heading for my Michelob Light.”

The Post game party was rocking at the always rockin Kerry Hills. The food was excellent and plentiful and the service was great. Next weeks post game activities are at Healy’s.