The big news in the RBVL has nothing to do with volleyball and everything to do with five gay guys making over John Sica and his Rockaway house. That’s right, the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy met that challenge and the results will be aired on national TV on the Bravo channel Tuesday, 7/6 at 10:00 PM. John would like to invite all of his RBVL friends to join him at the premiere screening at the Kerry Hills Pub on that night. As usual, Carmel will be cooking up a storm and the Brian Monaghan band will be playing from 7:30 PM to kick off the evening festivities. One and all are welcome. Come early and stay late. Maybe you’ll get lucky and snag an autograph! Rene, this is the real deal – no joke!

The top two teams in several divisions locked horns this week. In a battle of the longest names, Freedhand’s Court Champs defeated Abbracciamento’s Off the Pier 5-0 in the Ocean division. Can I buy a vowel, please? Abbracciamento’s lost but not before Cathy Dempsey blocked Richie W. for a key point - a heady play! Frank showed up late at the bar because he had to first go home to wash the bitter stench of defeat from his pores. (He was not successful.) But at least he showed up like a man. Where was Rocky? Missing again! Maybe losing game five after leading 20-15 was too much to handle. He was last seen walking to the moonlit ocean hand in hand with Rudy C. In the Beach division the Mahooshkas defeated Grassy’s Ratpack 4-1 and in the Sun division Sands Point PT beat Connolly’s Island 4-1. Connolly’s Island wants to ask Tom Tunes what the serve rule is. It was a major plus that Matty Mahon didn’t maim another female player this week, after breaking Denise Brunner’s foot last week. Did Jackie (AKA The Flasher) take unfair advantage by flashing her opponents? The Island is protesting the game – not because of the flash but because a few of their men missed it. Happy birthday, Steve!

The Sharks were concerned more with Cubby’s security than the games and they dropped 4 out of 5 to the Odd Couples but the important thing is that Adonis is safe. Cubby has narrowed down the identity of his stalker. It was not an Amazon after all but an anonymous junior sports reporter by the name of M-ry Whel-n. But where was she when the Cubster showed up with his rebuttal? (And her shorts, which she had left at his love shack.)

The Beach House beat the Beach Orphans in the Beach division 4-1 to secure 5^th place. That’s a lot of Beaches. Only four men showed up out of a roster of 20, severely limiting beer intake but increasing playing time (and the chances for a heart attack). Because of the success, the team considered a ban on alcohol next week but the idea was quickly vetoed.

The Federation beat Stealth 3-2 in a match that was as close as you can get. Ryan, Mary and Maureen were all missing but Cathy, Roseann and Mary W. picked up the slack. Stealth is chipping in and sending John “Nazi” Brennan to Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Great job Lisa. You go girl! It took women 108 years to be able to wrestle without mud. We’re not taking any crap! Let’s get ready to rumble. We’re not here for a long time; we’re here for a good time.

The Cheese Fries beat the Nobody’s 4-1 and sent the girls back to Breezy. Can the Fries win without Bobby on the court? Inquiring minds want to know. Becky and Jean’s serving was outstanding and led to the victories. Jamie’s birthday celebration started this week and will continue until next Wednesday. Thanks to Pat and Chris for your support and thanks to Ernie for a great party after the games back at Vaughn’s Tap & Grill.

There were two reasons the Brooklyn Transplants were shutout by One Win. The first one was due to the team’s illustrious leader Danny eating at an undisclosed restaurant and leaving with the runs. Billy Higgins was the second reason. When he flopped into the net the team chemistry was shot and everyone simply retired to the coolers.

Jimmy has officially become LBG, playing for mom and dad with the Circling Sharks. Who has the bigger binoculars, Cement Shoes or TBG? And what the heck do they need binoculars for on the beach? “Steal Seal, Done Deal” is no longer the top headline in RBVL history. Cubby and the Amazon now hold the top spot.

Believe it or not, CB and Tea Bag are both playing in the RBVL. You have to look long and hard to find them at the bars though. CB’s last appearance was at least two years ago. TJ is no bargain either. For a first year player, you thing he’d patronize the sponsors a little better. The contest is on. Who’s got the biggest set of bags, boys? May the best bags win!

Talking’ about EZ Company - Diane had the best shoulder move of the night! Team Cordes had more laughs than volleys, while the Reilly’s ate sand and Mike Munns gave legal advice. Still waiting for Turtle to pull his head out of his shell and pull the team to victory. The girls almost won one and the guys were ready to retire! Toddy had more one-liners than hits and Coach Donna had a lot of good advice to offer. Jim, Jane, Maureen & Barbara were instrumental in keeping it fun.

Defending champs, Healy’s has lost only three games with Kevin on the court. Unfortunately his torn hamstring is going to keep him out until the playoffs. Remember what happened last year! John and Mike Sica were at the Yankee game having a good time but it cost the Bikini Bottom All-Stars in a 1-4 loss to Jameson’s. At least they got to see Bill Buckner 2. Coach wasn’t giving out too many beers this week. Maybe it was because CB didn’t fill up his cooler like last week. Tom “the Moose” Reilly, from the Beach House, retired last Thursday after 20 years with the FDNY. Congratulations, Tom. Well done.

Commissioner Patty would like to thank all of the captains for their diligence in returning their rosters on time. (For the first time in RBVL history.)

Donna from Stealth would like to start a group on Yahoo with a message board. It’s free. It’s a way to share information, photos etc. If you’re interested in joining please send your email address to donna@weSki.us Thanks!

See you on the beach! And at Connolly’s, next week’s party site.